After a year worth of entanglement and messy love, Ahmed and I are over.
My 11th grade English teacher once said something during class. I didn't understand it when he said it, but I thought about it often. He told me that love is a fantasy and that you should never marry your first love. He said he was married to a woman he doesn't love, and happily so. When I first heard this, I thought he was crazy. Why would you marry someone if it wasn't for love? Ahmed leaving me made me understand why my teacher would say this. True love isn't based on rationality. It's instantaneous. You can have so many obstacles in your way or have nothing in common or your friends can hate them and you can still love them. But marriage, that's based on logic. Do you have things in common? Can you work together? Do you treat each other well? Marriage has nothing to do with love. It's based on logical compatibility. This is why we never get over our first loves. We still love them, we just value logic over emotion. We're less reckless. We've grown up.
As humans, no matter how much we think we can't get through something, we always do. The body has an internal instinct to survive. I will survive the gut wrenching soul tearing pain of growing up. I will mature, but deep down inside of me my inner child will scream for him.